3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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