found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
