No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize