Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
