Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
