i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
