he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to make out with him forever
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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