I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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