why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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