sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
