I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
