just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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