dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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