I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
