I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
