im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
