I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize