u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
