Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
