it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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