If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize