New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
