I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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