Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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