i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
