She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize