I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize