I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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