i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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