just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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