i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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