I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
