I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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