His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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