the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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