you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your penis caused this!
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