morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize