Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You need Xanax blowdarts
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize