either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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