but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
