I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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