I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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