cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
