got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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