The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Church boner. Awkwardddd
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
