Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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