I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
