Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
