i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
