Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
