Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
