the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize