Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
