I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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