I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize