my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
