there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize