AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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