in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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