I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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