We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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