You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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