im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
