I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we're making bets on your personal life
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
MIDGETS
????
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
