Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
