I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
