I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
