You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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