just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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