I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
