I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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