My cat gives me a boner
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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