just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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