every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
