Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
