Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
