hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
