no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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