so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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