I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize