Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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