When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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