You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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