Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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