Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
