so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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