Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
