I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
