therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
