Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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