There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
