I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
