He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My vagina is officially offended.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
