i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
