you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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