capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
